In 2080's the world was full with evil people who were educated badly and they ruled the countries very badly. The states were fighting with each other , a lot of people were suffering from that unfortunate situation. In these wars , the most evil weapons - nuclear weapons- were used by these poor educated people. Therefore, a lot of people were harmed dramatically , even the most innocent creatures in the world , babies. Moreover, there were worse things than that, people and also animals transformed into some kind of mutants. Almost every creatures in the world were extinct. Only a baby, a girl, a horse and a fly survived. The wars were continuing, there were no hope , no sunshine anymore.. and there were only one reason for all of bad things , the bad education system!
The Pessimists
Elif ARMAĞAN
Emre AYDIN
H. Rıfat ÇELİK
Dear Pessimists,
YanıtlaSilYou have created a nice dramatic story. It is a bit pessimistic, though. However, I would like to read a bit more about in what ways you think the education system is the cause of all these evils that you have expressed in the story. In terms of the sentence types, I think you need to put some complex sentences as the majority of the sentences in the story are either simple or compound. You may need to revise some of the expressions in the story as well such as "poor educated people" (Line 6) and "almost every creatures" (Line 10). It may also be a good idea to use some connectors to link the sentences rather than using "commas" only (e.g., see Lines 3 and 4).
Keep up the good work.